Forever and Always
by Eternal Soldier
Summary: Reid may have gone crazy, but he will never forget how much he loves Morgan. And Morgan will always love him. He will always be Reid's. Reid/Morgan slash.


**A/N: You know how sometimes you get this random story idea, and it niggles and niggles at you for ages and ages and ages until you just _have _to write it? Yeah, this is one of those stories. Once again, this is Reid/Morgan slash (if you don't like it, you have been warned!) but compared to the rest of my stories, this is hella angsty and kinda sad. So anyway, on with the story!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.**

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><p><strong>Forever and Always<strong>

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><p>He walks down the sterile white corridor, the stack of photos in his hand. He hopes today will be a good day; he hopes the man he's coming to visit will be lucid. That's the thing he dreads: that when he comes to visit, the man will be in one of his episodes, and won't even recognise him. Those days were truly terrible, when the man wasn't in his right mind; when he regressed and thought he was living in the past again, or when he didn't recognise him at all, Luckily, he has discerned the signs, though, and knew just by looking at the man whether he was lucid or not. The way he dressed. The way he'd done his hair. Whether he was wearing his wedding ring or not.<p>

He really, really hopes that today was a good day. He has what would be very good news for him. He prays silently in his head, as he enters the day room where he waits.

The man looks up, and a smile lights up his face. "Derek!" he cries happily, setting down the book he was reading and beckoning to his visitor to come sit beside him.

"Hey, Spencer," he says, softly and happily, sitting down beside the younger man. "You good today?"

"As good as can be expected," Spencer Reid sighs. "I missed you."

Derek Morgan smiles; today is definitely a good day. Reid only ever calls him by his first name and says that he misses him if he's completely lucid; if he remembers everything. "I missed you too," Morgan whispers. "I always do, when I'm not with you."

Reid moves closer to Morgan, as if to comfort him. They're almost touching now, but not quite. "How's the team going?" Reid asks. It's his favourite question to ask Morgan. He misses the BAU terribly; that much is obvious.

"They're doing well," says Morgan. "Prentiss is back at work; her arm's not in a cast anymore." Morgan takes a deep breath; what he wants and needs to say may be hard for Reid. "They miss you too, you know. It's not the same without you around."

Reid sighs and looks down at his feet, his expression downcast. "I'd give anything to be able to be in the BAU again. Or at least get out of here. Be back at home with you."

"Do you- do you think that would be wise?" Morgan asks, careful of how to word his question. "Living at home with me again, I mean. I know there's twenty-four hour home care…" he trails off, unsure of what else to say, and waiting for Reid's answer.

"Seeing you, spending time with you… it helps me stay lucid, Derek," Reid explains. "It keeps me in my right mind. So home care would be a very good idea. And there's nothing I want more than to be able to live with you again, to sleep in your arms…" Reid sighs deeply, a sad look suddenly appearing on his face. "But there's no way we could ever afford home care. We can barely afford this place." He starts to lean away from Morgan, but Morgan reaches out and places a hand on Reid's arm. Reid jumps; he was never fond of physical contact, and he's even less fond of it now- especially when he's not expecting it.

"Spencer," Morgan says soothingly, trying to calm Reid down. He's getting agitated, but the sound of Morgan saying his name soothes him, stops the impending panic and fear. Morgan's voice has always calmed him, long before his mind turned against him. "That's… well, that's what I came to talk to you about today, actually," he says, and Reid looks at him, confused and intrigued. Morgan loves that look; it is the look Reid used to have when he was studying a case file, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. When he was trying to figure something out.

"What d'you mean?" Reid asks, his curiosity evident even in his voice.

"I mean, that Rossi has given us an early anniversary present," Morgan informs him. "He's- well, he's given us enough money to pay for home care. For the rest of your life."

Reid gasped, his eyes growing wide as he stared at Morgan. "He- he has?" Reid manages to get out. "But- but we can't accept that, Derek! It's _so_ much money, we can't just accept that for nothing!"

"Spencer," Morgan whispers again, softly, and Reid instantly falls silent. "I told him you say that," Morgan says with a chuckle. "So he said to tell you that he's not taking no for an answer. He wants to see you happy Spence, because it makes him and the rest of us happy. He wants you back at home, where you belong."

"Derek…" Reid can do nothing but stare at Morgan. His mind is going into overdrive, and that isn't good. If he isn't careful, he's going to lose control of himself. He reaches out and grabs Morgan's arm, feeling his husband's cool, dark skin beneath his hand. He needs to calm down, and he needs to do it without medication, or Morgan won't let him come home. Morgan watches him, panicking and about to call for the doctor, but Reid shakes his head to tell him no. "I'm okay, Derek, I'm okay," Reid assures him. "I don't need them. Just give me a minute."

Morgan still watches Reid cautiously for any signs of an episode, but luckily the young genius manages to rein himself in. "I'm okay," Reid whispers again, and this time Morgan believes him. "I just… I wasn't expecting what you said. That's all. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," says Morgan. "I shouldn't have surprised you like that. You've never done well with surprises, even before…" Morgan cuts himself off; he had been about to say 'even before you developed schizophrenia', but he knows that isn't a good idea. He doesn't want to remind Reid of the worst day of their lives, the day he'd found Reid on the floor, pounding the ground, ripping his hair out, screaming for the voices to shut up and leave him alone. And worst of all, when Morgan had had to tell Reid that the voices weren't real, that they were in his head… that was the worst moment of either of their lives. The moment they'd realised that Reid had inherited his mother's disease. The moment they'd realised that Reid would have to leave the BAU and the FBI forever. The moment they'd realised Reid would have to leave Morgan.

"It's not your fault," Reid whispers, but with certainty in his voice. "You can't just not say things or do things just because you won't know how I'll react to them. I don't want you to do that."

"After all this time, I should know how to act around you," Morgan laments, looking away from Reid and fingering his wedding ring.

"Derek," Reid says with conviction. "I don't want you to change the way you act around me just because I am this way. Please." What he does next surprises both Morgan and himself: he reaches out and takes Morgan's hand, clutching it tightly in his own. "Besides, what else could you have done? How else could you have said it? I love you, Derek. And I want to come home."

"You do?" says Morgan, hardly daring to believe it.

"Derek, of course I do!" Reid cries. "I really, truly want to come home. It's all I've ever wanted since I came here. And I really think it would be good for me. I want to come back to you, Derek. I want to be a proper couple again."

Morgan can't help the grin that spreads across his face. Reid really does want to come home. He still hasn't let go of Morgan's hand; he doesn't think he ever wants to.

"Thank you, Spencer," Morgan says sincerely. "Thank you." He pulls Reid's hand slowly towards his face, and kisses it gently. "I love you. I'll go talk to your doctors, and call Rossi. And before you know it, you'll be out of here."

It is almost a week after that visit when Reid finally leaves the Sanitarium. The doctors and Morgan had had to finalise Reid's paperwork, how Morgan was going to look after him at home, and what was going to happen when Morgan was away on cases (Garcia had already declared she'd stay over on nights Morgan was away, and she refused to take no for an answer).

As Reid takes the first step out of the car, catching his first real glimpse of the house, his eyes glisten with tears. Morgan begins to worry instantly, and of course he fears that something is wrong, that he should've have brought Reid home. But then Reid smiles softly, and he reaches out and takes Morgan's hand.

"They're tears of joy, Derek," Reid assures him. "Tears of joy. Let's go inside."

Morgan leads Reid into the house, and it's like he'd never left. Luckily, today is a very lucid day, and he remembers all the good memories that came from this house, memories of him and Morgan- their first kiss, their first 'I love you's', the first time they slept together, Morgan's proposal. "I really, really missed this place," Reid says, the tears running down his face now. He doesn't have the strength to try and stop them, so he doesn't bother. Morgan does, though; he reaches up with a gentle finger and slowly wipes them away.

"This place missed you," Morgan whispers back, and even though Reid knows that makes no sense, he also knows what Morgan means and doesn't correct him. "I've missed you."

"I know," says Reid. "I've missed you too." He looks at Morgan. "Can we… can we go to bed?" he asks. "I'm tired, and I don't think I can take seeing everything else in the house today. It'll be too much."

"Of course, baby," Morgan replies instantly; he's never been able to say no to Reid, no matter what he asks of him. "Do you… do you want me to stay with you?"

"I want you to lie in bed with me," says Reid, stunning both Morgan and himself. "It will seem more like-" He hesitates, "more like before."

When Reid put it like that, Morgan definitely could not say no. His hand still in Reid's- the younger man was squeezing it tightly, almost as though he was afraid of letting go- Morgan leads him down the hall to the bedroom. _Their _bedroom.

"It's exactly as I remembered it," says Reid. "Sometimes, when I couldn't sleep, I would close my eyes and imagine I was lying in this bed, next to you. It always helped."

"Oh, Spence…" Morgan has no idea what else to say; he doesn't know if there's anything else he _can_ say. "You know, it's not always going to be this easy. There are going to be days when you're struggling. Days when you can't even remember my name."

Reid sighs, his long fingers resting on his forehead. He can feel a headache coming on- not one that would drive him into an episode, but still a pretty bad one. The excitement is almost becoming too much for him, but he has to say this first. "I know there will be bad days, Derek," he says, taking a deep breath. "I had one yesterday."

"Spencer-" Morgan begins to say, but Reid cuts him off.

"I almost… they almost called you," Reid informs him. "And if they had've called you, I wouldn't have been able to come home. It was the stress and the excitement of knowing that I was coming here, back to you. That pushed me over the edge. I freaked out, I started screaming. I… I was due to have my medication an hour later, so the voices were there, telling me that I shouldn't come home. Telling me that everything would go wrong, and that you would leave me."

"I'm not going to leave you," Morgan says automatically, because he knows it to be true. He's been through enough with Reid to know he can never leave him.

"I know, Derek," Reid replies. "I know. I know it in my mind, but you know the paranoia that comes with my… my episodes." Reid still finds it difficult to talk about the fact that he has schizophrenic episodes, even now- time isn't enough to get him used to the idea.

"Why didn't they call me?" Morgan asks. He has to know, and he senses that Reid wants to tell him.

"Because I repeated to myself that you loved me over, and over, and over," Reid replies. "I tried to focus on my own voice, rather than the other voices, and drown them out. I still needed a little bit of medication, to completely make the voices go away, but not as much as I normally do." Reid gives Morgan a small smile; he's proud of himself, for almost talking himself out of an episode all on his own. Morgan smiles back, but his smile is also borne of relief; if Reid hadn't have been able to do what he did, he would not have been home today.

"Derek," says Reid, pulling Morgan out of his reverie. "I want you to promise me something." Morgan doesn't say yes straight away, and both he and Reid know why; he doesn't want to make a promise he won't be able to keep. So Reid continues. "I want you to promise that you won't be sad, on the days where I can't remember you. I want you to promise not to cry, for me. Because even when I can't remember you, I'm still in here, and I still love you."

"I can't promise absolutely, Spence," Morgan says finally, after weighing up exactly what he should say to keep Reid calm. "But I can promise that I will try. You know, it isn't really because you can't remember me that makes me sad, because I know that inside you still love me. It's that you have to go through this. I never wanted this for you."

"I know you didn't, Derek," says Reid, feeling a strange ache in his heart for his husband. "You're too good to me. I love you."

"I love you too, baby," Morgan replies instantly, leading Reid to the bed. Their bed, once again. "Forever and always; no matter what. I love you."

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><p><strong>AN: Aw, poor Spence! And poor Derek, too! This came into my head the first time I watched Corazon, when I was thinking to myself "the writers better not make him have schizophrenia, cos then he'd have to leave the team! Like I said, this is a lot more angsty than I normally write, but I hope you enjoyed it anyways! Review and let me know!**

****Oh, and I've finally set up that twitter account I was going to set up connected to this account, where I am going to post when I update my stories, post new ones, and also ask any of you guys that might have prompts for me to send them to me there, and I will be sure to right them for you. So any of you that have twitter, follow me and tweet me any prompts you have for me- my username is EternalFanFics :) I will also post there when I start working on a new story or come up with an idea for one, so you know when I am writing new stories for you lovelies to read. Thanking you in advance for following me! :)****

****Note from Diamond Cobra: "D: It's not schizophrenia, it's just not."****


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